Motivation

I’ve been facilitating courses on sales leadership in the past few weeks, and the content really resonates with me. Sure, the course covers a bit of the sales piece – how to read sales reports, how to evaluate the data, what questions to ask – but moreover, it’s a course on leadership. The skills that make a strong leader are essentially the same across any industry, and truly, I believe, the same in your personal life as they are in your professional career.

I try to lead my two lives as one and the same, but I have to admit that what motivates me in one is obviously not the same as what motivates me in the other.
Or so I thought.

When it comes down to it, there are two types of motivation – intrinsic and extrinsic. I’m typically intrinsically motivated, meaning I have initiative, I desire a sense of accomplishment, being appreciated, feeling like I’m part of something, and fulfilling my need to grown and learn.
So, really, how is that any different than what I want at home?
I’ve realized that it really isn’t. I probably slack more on my personal initiative personally than professionally. It’s still there, and I still have a strong desire to DO, but sometimes fall short in the delivery. I’m just too busy. I still fight to mark things off my to do list, to feel accomplished, but lately, I’ve discovered that my accomplishments seem to be less monumental than what I seek. Cleaning the kitchen, finishing the laundry… It’s a struggle to get those things done, so no wonder I’m feeling less than accomplished in that aspect. I want bigger things. I want to know that I’m providing my daughter with a rich environment – a home full of learning opportunities, exploration, and new experiences. I feel like I fall short there because I don’t have enough time in the day.

Next on the motivational list? Appreciation. Well, I’ve only recently admitted that I need to be appreciated. And I’m not sure I’ve admitted it loudly. I tend to hide behind an invincible wall where I don’t need anyone or anything. I’m strong, and I can do whatever I put my mind to. But in truth, I need to know that what I’m doing matters… to someone. Putting on my superwoman cape in the past means perhaps I’ve closed this door to others. I’m starting to notice it now, and I think that could be because I’m suddenly being recognized and appreciated more at work than ever before, so it’s a stark contrast between my two worlds.
I know I’m part of something at home. I see that little girl smile, or sign a new word, or get stronger as she wobbles across the room, and I know I’ve played some part in that.

And right now, I think my need to grown and learn is dominated by my professional life. I’m learning so much and getting so many new experiences. Here, my cup runneth over. My only worry is that I’m learning so much, and I’m so excited and motivated by it, that I wonder if I’m alienating myself by doing so.

So now I can recognize and articulate what motivates me. You may be able to do the same. The big question that comes up though is whether you know what motivates the ones you love? And what do you do if you can identify at least something that motivates them, and you realize you can’t give it to them. You can be supportive, but when does supportive become trite? When does encouragement and words of hope become empty noises? When does watching your loved ones be disappointed become too much? You start to feel guilty for your own successes. You start to worry about how quickly the hands of time are turning, and you realize that your own motivation isn’t enough to get you there. Even scarier is when you realize you don’t know where there is anymore. There in one world is easy to locate, but there in the other is filled with uncertainty and the unknown. How can you know how to get there if you don’t know where you’re going?
For someone who strives to hold two lives as one and the same, it hurts like hell when the two worlds collide.