What a roller coaster of emotions I've experienced lately... mostly as an observer of what's happening in the lives of many friends. Oddly, everything seems to be centered around marriages and babies.
Three friends have either just gone through or are now mid-divorce.
Three friends are expecting - one with his first and two with their seconds.
Two friends recently had children - one with twins, one with her second child.
Another friend delivered her first child the same night the same night as our mutual friend and his wife went to the hospital and delivered their first... who was very premature and didn't make it through the night.
I also just found out that one of my best friends from high school lost a child due to miscarriage last year, and I never knew.
Another friend lost his 4-year old a few months ago due to complications during surgery.
And yet another friend recently lost his 10-year old son, who was never expected to live beyond the first year or two of his life.
There are so many people experiencing so much joy, so much pain, and so much grief all at the same time. It's amazing how simple it is to be wrapped up in your own world, to be experiencing the joy of being blessed with an amazing, healthy child and a strong marriage.
I have moments when I question where I am in my own life, and then witnessing so many things my friends are going through, and I can't help but have a heavy heart, and yet be so thankful and so overwhelmed with love for my own child.
Today is one of those days when Doodle had a complete meltdown, and I could see how very quickly the patience in our house ran out. In the blink of an eye, I felt a twinge of pain. I remembered my friend who just lost his newborn child two days ago. I grabbed Doodle, ran upstairs, and just sat on the bed holding her until she calmed down.
She's a magical little girl. Even when she's inconsolable, her presence consoles me.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Oh really?! THAT almost makes me cry?
Alright, so it's time to fess up. I'm baffled.
For some reason, every time I watch a show where someone "makes it", I get a little flash where I feel like I could well up and cry. That little blurb in your throat...
The thing is, it really irrates me that I get that way about it! Maybe that's the "me" I THINK I am trying to supress the me I REALLY am.
I don't like to admit it, for whatever ridiculous reason, but I am a bit of a softy. Perhaps it's from the cliche' experience of being hurt before, so I try to keep people at a distance by being the tough one?
Whatever it is, I guess it's time to give up the act. Well, at least to the 2 people who read this...
For some reason, every time I watch a show where someone "makes it", I get a little flash where I feel like I could well up and cry. That little blurb in your throat...
The thing is, it really irrates me that I get that way about it! Maybe that's the "me" I THINK I am trying to supress the me I REALLY am.
I don't like to admit it, for whatever ridiculous reason, but I am a bit of a softy. Perhaps it's from the cliche' experience of being hurt before, so I try to keep people at a distance by being the tough one?
Whatever it is, I guess it's time to give up the act. Well, at least to the 2 people who read this...
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Reflection
Inspiration can come from the strangest places.
Over the past few weeks, I've been very lucky to spend some time with my best friend, (whom I only see once a year or so on average), have found a few old friends online, have tried to spend as much quality time with the family as I can, and I've been learning so many new things.
Since I've moved, things have definitely been more stressful in my world. I knew the new position would be a challenge... and that's a big part of why I wanted it. So with that, I've done quite a bit of learning on my own, and I've been fortunate enough to have the company pay for a few formal learning experiences too. With all that time I've spent learning, of course, that's been time away from the to do list. Projects have been building up, and here I am in the middle of crunch time. I have to deliver, but I realize that sometimes I love my job a bit too much. I have to remember to balance my dedication to my work with the more important dedication to my family.
Spending time or catching up with old friends has helped me realize that I am still a person of my own, not wholly defined by what I do. That's a pretty big pill to swallow, but I'm working on it. I've seen too many relationships fall apart lately, hearts broken, and worlds changed because we sometimes forget to take a moment to be who we are. We get wrapped up in what we have to get done, we get swept away in what we're expected to do, and we all too often forget to spend any time focusing on the "me" of it. You can't be the world to others if you forget what you have to offer.
Yesterday I spent a few hours catching up with an old friend, and I have to say I came out of the conversation feeling, well... indescribable. For a writer, that's an odd sensation. (But then again, I haven't been writing so much lately, so perhaps that's why I can't articulate my thoughts around it now.) After not speaking for around ten years or so, I wasn't sure what to expect from the conversation. I would say I was pleasantly surprised, but I wasn't really surprised, to find our discussion to be very open, honest, and warm. We chatted about the way things are now, a bit about how things used to be, and who we are as people. How often do you have that kind of discussion with anyone, let alone someone you haven't spoken to in so long? It was definitely a refreshing conversation. A defining conversation. I'm very thankful to have the opportunity to have this friend back in my life, even if it's only through the realm of social media. He is going through some rough times he doesn't deserve, so my heart hurts a bit for what he's going through. Putting aside the situation he's in, I sensed a bit of optimism. Through the pain, I still saw a great person with much to offer. I just hope he finds his way through it, and I hope to be a friend by his side.
Although some of the topics were as far from sunshine and rainbows as you can get, I still came out of it feeling inspired. Inspired to be a better person (again), inspired to be a better friend, and inspired to be a better mother and wife.
Over the past few weeks, I've been very lucky to spend some time with my best friend, (whom I only see once a year or so on average), have found a few old friends online, have tried to spend as much quality time with the family as I can, and I've been learning so many new things.
Since I've moved, things have definitely been more stressful in my world. I knew the new position would be a challenge... and that's a big part of why I wanted it. So with that, I've done quite a bit of learning on my own, and I've been fortunate enough to have the company pay for a few formal learning experiences too. With all that time I've spent learning, of course, that's been time away from the to do list. Projects have been building up, and here I am in the middle of crunch time. I have to deliver, but I realize that sometimes I love my job a bit too much. I have to remember to balance my dedication to my work with the more important dedication to my family.
Spending time or catching up with old friends has helped me realize that I am still a person of my own, not wholly defined by what I do. That's a pretty big pill to swallow, but I'm working on it. I've seen too many relationships fall apart lately, hearts broken, and worlds changed because we sometimes forget to take a moment to be who we are. We get wrapped up in what we have to get done, we get swept away in what we're expected to do, and we all too often forget to spend any time focusing on the "me" of it. You can't be the world to others if you forget what you have to offer.
Yesterday I spent a few hours catching up with an old friend, and I have to say I came out of the conversation feeling, well... indescribable. For a writer, that's an odd sensation. (But then again, I haven't been writing so much lately, so perhaps that's why I can't articulate my thoughts around it now.) After not speaking for around ten years or so, I wasn't sure what to expect from the conversation. I would say I was pleasantly surprised, but I wasn't really surprised, to find our discussion to be very open, honest, and warm. We chatted about the way things are now, a bit about how things used to be, and who we are as people. How often do you have that kind of discussion with anyone, let alone someone you haven't spoken to in so long? It was definitely a refreshing conversation. A defining conversation. I'm very thankful to have the opportunity to have this friend back in my life, even if it's only through the realm of social media. He is going through some rough times he doesn't deserve, so my heart hurts a bit for what he's going through. Putting aside the situation he's in, I sensed a bit of optimism. Through the pain, I still saw a great person with much to offer. I just hope he finds his way through it, and I hope to be a friend by his side.
Although some of the topics were as far from sunshine and rainbows as you can get, I still came out of it feeling inspired. Inspired to be a better person (again), inspired to be a better friend, and inspired to be a better mother and wife.
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