So, I hooked up one of Graham’s old phones. First thing, how the heck do I use it?! I’ve had a BB for so long, I really don’t remember how normal phones operate! I have to learn how to text again. I can manage that surely.
11:30 pm: Time for bed. What does my schedule look like tomorrow? Hmmm. I can’t use my Outlook calendar on this thing. Well, how’s the weather supposed to be? Uh oh. So, I have to log into the laptop to check my schedule so I know if I have meetings – and how is the weather going to be – so I can plan my wardrobe accordingly.
6:00 am: Storming like crazy. There’s no chance I’m walking to the train in this mess. I’ll sleep in. And I don’t have any appointments in the morning, so I’ll take a later train to get in.
8:00 am: Thank goodness I signed up for Twitter alerts by text to keep up with the train delays. I cancelled the emails a few weeks ago, and today, I’m thankful those texts are still coming in. Major delays on the trains. They’re all running 35-40 minutes late, but I’ll still go catch whatever is coming next.
8:45 am: Where is the train?! Can’t hear the announcements from the loudspeaker. Ordinarily, I would log into the Metra’s mobile website to check for status updates and system-wide messages.
8:55 am: Train finally showed up, but it’s packed. Less than standing room only since everyone is just piling on the first train that comes along… which happens to be this one. I overhear the conductor talking about it. The rain flooded one of the trains, so they had all sorts of issues getting everything going this morning. Understandable. He laughs when someone mentions how crowded it is. The next train came through 5 minutes later and it’s pretty much empty. Damnit. If I was able to log into the website, I could have seen that and actually had a seat. But instead, I’m leaning on the lavatory door, trying not to fall in, not to touch anything, and not to smash the banana in my bag!
9:25 am: Getting settled in at the office. Banana smashed. I blame the lack of BB for this. Opened Outlook and am relieved to see only 12 messages from last night to this morning. Nothing urgent. Whew.
11:00 am: off to a meeting. Almost forgot about it. I had the speakers muted on my laptop, and I have a million task and appointment reminders blowing up all day, so I didn't hear the new one for the appointment ding, and almost missed the meeting. If I had my BB, I would have seen the reminder blinking. Oh well. Close, but no catastrophe.
12:00 pm: just got back from the meeting. Drats. Another 25 emails in an hour. About half of those I could have answered on the elevator on the way back up to my office.
2:30 pm: Really? I haven't checked FB all day? Hmmm.
4:00 pm: Today is my grandmother's birthday. I have to remember to call her tonight. I would ordinarily plug in a reminder on the BB. I'll do it the old-fashioned way. Where are the post-its?
5:00 pm: almost home on the train. I forgot my book at the office, so it's dreadfully boring!
5:35 pm: just got home. Nice walk. No interruptions. Have to remember to change my voicemail and remove the "Kim with Equity" message since the cell number is now just personal. Maybe I should change my number. Too much trouble. Hope I remember to change the message... I don't want to ruin the quiet walk by doing it now.
8:00 pm: Alright. So I've checked my work email 3 times since I've been home. All three times I've had urgent messages. I need to work on getting everyone I support to understand that urgent is fire, flood, or blood. Everything else can wait.
11:00 pm: Yikes. I spent longer than normal online tonight. Had to catch up on FB, check my bank balances, and I remembered to check the weather for tomorrow. All things I usually do on the train on the way home. I can adjust. I think I can. I think I can.
11:30 pm: Can't sleep. Feel like I'm forgetting something.
2:30 am: Still having trouble sleeping. What did I forget?!
4:00 am: Something on a post it note. What was on the post it note? Where did I put that stupid post it note?!
Next morning: Damnit. I forgot to call my sweet Mamaw to wish her happy birthday.
Update on 5/27: I still haven't given in!!! I hate not having mobile access, but I'm adjusting. I just have to stop keeping the laptop open. It's really ok to not be connected 24/7, right? I just have to get used to delayed gratification... and paper. Yuck.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The back story
First, a little background story. I got my first cell phone in 1999 or so. I kept it for several years, but decided to let it go around 2003. I found I was always accessible at work or at home, so I didn’t need it. The office where I worked called me constantly when I was home, so if by rare chance, I did make it out to do something fun, I was glad I didn’t get calls from them then. Don’t get me wrong, I was always glad to help, but this was my way to balance it all. Fast forward to 2005, when Graham and I moved to Tennessee again, and he started working for Verizon… suddenly we had cell phones. Imagine that. Because I started a new role, and traveled like crazy, my company started covering the cost for mine. Beautiful. I only used it for work anyway. They told me to get a Blackberry. They didn’t say when, so I just kept putting it off.
When I moved back to Florida in 2006, my boss realized I still didn’t have that Blackberry. No more avoiding it – I got one, although quite reluctantly. Travel, teaching, and speaking at meetings dominated my time, so it helped me avoid falling behind on work and emails (answering support questions was a big part of my job then). The BB and I became one. I relied on it for task reminders, appointment reminders, and just about everything imaginable.
Then in late 2009, I took a new role and moved to Chicago for a position that supposedly requires little if any, travel. (It’s only May, and I’ve attended 5 conferences.) It was decided that I probably no longer needed the Blackberry for work anymore, so after brief, inconclusive conversation about it a few months ago – where I explained how I rely on it heavily in my new role with demands from leaders and other departments, I never heard anything more, but this week I found out it was no longer covered. Oops, didn’t have a chance to plan proactively for that change. Truly, I’m not upset about it. I’m actually quite excited about not being “on” constantly. Answer emails only during regular office hours, really?! OK! Don’t worry about logging in to fix an issue with a document or course or page as I’m eating dinner?! OK!
Let’s see how this goes. I just called to drop my data plan. AT&T said no. I had a Blackberry, so I had to have a data plan. Argh. I found an old crummy phone, switched my SIM card, called back, and dropped the data. I also cut my minutes in half. Each month, we have about 600+ minutes that go into the rollover balance, and that many expire each month too since they only roll for 12 months. With over 6000 minutes in that bucket, cutting the minutes in half seems logical. Oh, but if you cut your rate plan, you cap out at the equivalent number of minutes, so in my case, keep only 700. Um, no. I convinced the guy to let me keep them. Feeling better about this.
When I moved back to Florida in 2006, my boss realized I still didn’t have that Blackberry. No more avoiding it – I got one, although quite reluctantly. Travel, teaching, and speaking at meetings dominated my time, so it helped me avoid falling behind on work and emails (answering support questions was a big part of my job then). The BB and I became one. I relied on it for task reminders, appointment reminders, and just about everything imaginable.
Then in late 2009, I took a new role and moved to Chicago for a position that supposedly requires little if any, travel. (It’s only May, and I’ve attended 5 conferences.) It was decided that I probably no longer needed the Blackberry for work anymore, so after brief, inconclusive conversation about it a few months ago – where I explained how I rely on it heavily in my new role with demands from leaders and other departments, I never heard anything more, but this week I found out it was no longer covered. Oops, didn’t have a chance to plan proactively for that change. Truly, I’m not upset about it. I’m actually quite excited about not being “on” constantly. Answer emails only during regular office hours, really?! OK! Don’t worry about logging in to fix an issue with a document or course or page as I’m eating dinner?! OK!
Let’s see how this goes. I just called to drop my data plan. AT&T said no. I had a Blackberry, so I had to have a data plan. Argh. I found an old crummy phone, switched my SIM card, called back, and dropped the data. I also cut my minutes in half. Each month, we have about 600+ minutes that go into the rollover balance, and that many expire each month too since they only roll for 12 months. With over 6000 minutes in that bucket, cutting the minutes in half seems logical. Oh, but if you cut your rate plan, you cap out at the equivalent number of minutes, so in my case, keep only 700. Um, no. I convinced the guy to let me keep them. Feeling better about this.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Motivation
I’ve been facilitating courses on sales leadership in the past few weeks, and the content really resonates with me. Sure, the course covers a bit of the sales piece – how to read sales reports, how to evaluate the data, what questions to ask – but moreover, it’s a course on leadership. The skills that make a strong leader are essentially the same across any industry, and truly, I believe, the same in your personal life as they are in your professional career.
I try to lead my two lives as one and the same, but I have to admit that what motivates me in one is obviously not the same as what motivates me in the other.
Or so I thought.
When it comes down to it, there are two types of motivation – intrinsic and extrinsic. I’m typically intrinsically motivated, meaning I have initiative, I desire a sense of accomplishment, being appreciated, feeling like I’m part of something, and fulfilling my need to grown and learn.
So, really, how is that any different than what I want at home?
I’ve realized that it really isn’t. I probably slack more on my personal initiative personally than professionally. It’s still there, and I still have a strong desire to DO, but sometimes fall short in the delivery. I’m just too busy. I still fight to mark things off my to do list, to feel accomplished, but lately, I’ve discovered that my accomplishments seem to be less monumental than what I seek. Cleaning the kitchen, finishing the laundry… It’s a struggle to get those things done, so no wonder I’m feeling less than accomplished in that aspect. I want bigger things. I want to know that I’m providing my daughter with a rich environment – a home full of learning opportunities, exploration, and new experiences. I feel like I fall short there because I don’t have enough time in the day.
Next on the motivational list? Appreciation. Well, I’ve only recently admitted that I need to be appreciated. And I’m not sure I’ve admitted it loudly. I tend to hide behind an invincible wall where I don’t need anyone or anything. I’m strong, and I can do whatever I put my mind to. But in truth, I need to know that what I’m doing matters… to someone. Putting on my superwoman cape in the past means perhaps I’ve closed this door to others. I’m starting to notice it now, and I think that could be because I’m suddenly being recognized and appreciated more at work than ever before, so it’s a stark contrast between my two worlds.
I know I’m part of something at home. I see that little girl smile, or sign a new word, or get stronger as she wobbles across the room, and I know I’ve played some part in that.
And right now, I think my need to grown and learn is dominated by my professional life. I’m learning so much and getting so many new experiences. Here, my cup runneth over. My only worry is that I’m learning so much, and I’m so excited and motivated by it, that I wonder if I’m alienating myself by doing so.
So now I can recognize and articulate what motivates me. You may be able to do the same. The big question that comes up though is whether you know what motivates the ones you love? And what do you do if you can identify at least something that motivates them, and you realize you can’t give it to them. You can be supportive, but when does supportive become trite? When does encouragement and words of hope become empty noises? When does watching your loved ones be disappointed become too much? You start to feel guilty for your own successes. You start to worry about how quickly the hands of time are turning, and you realize that your own motivation isn’t enough to get you there. Even scarier is when you realize you don’t know where there is anymore. There in one world is easy to locate, but there in the other is filled with uncertainty and the unknown. How can you know how to get there if you don’t know where you’re going?
For someone who strives to hold two lives as one and the same, it hurts like hell when the two worlds collide.
I try to lead my two lives as one and the same, but I have to admit that what motivates me in one is obviously not the same as what motivates me in the other.
Or so I thought.
When it comes down to it, there are two types of motivation – intrinsic and extrinsic. I’m typically intrinsically motivated, meaning I have initiative, I desire a sense of accomplishment, being appreciated, feeling like I’m part of something, and fulfilling my need to grown and learn.
So, really, how is that any different than what I want at home?
I’ve realized that it really isn’t. I probably slack more on my personal initiative personally than professionally. It’s still there, and I still have a strong desire to DO, but sometimes fall short in the delivery. I’m just too busy. I still fight to mark things off my to do list, to feel accomplished, but lately, I’ve discovered that my accomplishments seem to be less monumental than what I seek. Cleaning the kitchen, finishing the laundry… It’s a struggle to get those things done, so no wonder I’m feeling less than accomplished in that aspect. I want bigger things. I want to know that I’m providing my daughter with a rich environment – a home full of learning opportunities, exploration, and new experiences. I feel like I fall short there because I don’t have enough time in the day.
Next on the motivational list? Appreciation. Well, I’ve only recently admitted that I need to be appreciated. And I’m not sure I’ve admitted it loudly. I tend to hide behind an invincible wall where I don’t need anyone or anything. I’m strong, and I can do whatever I put my mind to. But in truth, I need to know that what I’m doing matters… to someone. Putting on my superwoman cape in the past means perhaps I’ve closed this door to others. I’m starting to notice it now, and I think that could be because I’m suddenly being recognized and appreciated more at work than ever before, so it’s a stark contrast between my two worlds.
I know I’m part of something at home. I see that little girl smile, or sign a new word, or get stronger as she wobbles across the room, and I know I’ve played some part in that.
And right now, I think my need to grown and learn is dominated by my professional life. I’m learning so much and getting so many new experiences. Here, my cup runneth over. My only worry is that I’m learning so much, and I’m so excited and motivated by it, that I wonder if I’m alienating myself by doing so.
So now I can recognize and articulate what motivates me. You may be able to do the same. The big question that comes up though is whether you know what motivates the ones you love? And what do you do if you can identify at least something that motivates them, and you realize you can’t give it to them. You can be supportive, but when does supportive become trite? When does encouragement and words of hope become empty noises? When does watching your loved ones be disappointed become too much? You start to feel guilty for your own successes. You start to worry about how quickly the hands of time are turning, and you realize that your own motivation isn’t enough to get you there. Even scarier is when you realize you don’t know where there is anymore. There in one world is easy to locate, but there in the other is filled with uncertainty and the unknown. How can you know how to get there if you don’t know where you’re going?
For someone who strives to hold two lives as one and the same, it hurts like hell when the two worlds collide.
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